Turning 40

I remember in the 80's listening to an album called Equator by Randy Stonehill. On that album was a song called Turning 30. In my teenage years, that seemed very far away. But today is the day that I turn 40.

Not 30 but 40.

My 30's have been a busy time. I bought multiple houses, sold two of them and paid off my current house. I got married for the first time and shockingly enough she still likes me! I spent time in Africa, Asia and other places. I am now a caretaker and primary dog walker for our two rescue dogs.

This just makes me wonder what my 40's will be like. The new catchphrase is that 40 is the new 20 but my body sure doesn't feel 20! But the small amount of wisdom I have been fortunate enough to receive is more important.

Off to live my 40's. What will it hold? A move? A real house? More consulting gigs? Who knows but the journey will be fun, sad, exciting and frustrating all wrapped into one.....

I would only like half....please!

The other day my wife and I were relaxing and flipping through the channels on the TV. Suddenly we came across a movie that was very nostalgic for us: Stripes.

I admit completely that I enjoy almost any movie that Bill Murray is in. He can make me laugh like almost no one else, save John Candy, on the big screen.

What was interesting is that after the wonderful scene where the troop showed during their graduation what they could truly do, to the consternation of almost everyone involved. Then suddenly they are sent to Italy in a new fangled RV/Weapon thingie.

And yes, thingie is a technical term....

Marybeth (who is continually much smarter than I am) commented that it was like two movies and only one was worth watching. That got me thinking...why in the world did the movie have two separate, distinct parts? Was it written by two different people? What was the logic behind it?

I am not sure we will ever know but it got me wondering about what all of you think. What movie would you only like to watch half off? And, would it be like Stripes where you would feel totally satisifed just watching that one half?

Grant's Lessons: Part 5

As you might have read, Grant is not particularly fond of males. The only thing that he is more wary of is a man on a bike. We are not sure why Grant doesn't like bikes (bicycle or motorcycle are the same to him!). Our guess is that he was abused, in one of the houses before he chose Marybeth, by someone who had some kind of bike.

Grant also scares easily. So when a man on a bike surprises him, he loses it! In an effort to help him conquer this fear, Marybeth and I took him outside with her bike. Marybeth got on the bike and I walked Grant next to her while she rode. Grant was not particularly happy she was on the bike but seemed okay. Marybeth and I switched places after a few minutes.

Grant didn't know what to do. He looked at me saying...."I like Michael but I don't like him on that bike!" He struggled against his leash and ended up nipping me on the leg. It drew blood but just a small amount. I use the word "nip" deliberately. I have no doubts that Grant could have ripped my leg to shreds if he chose to!

His experiences with bikes overrode his love (or tolerance in case Grant is reading this...you never know what he might do!) for me. He couldn't see beyond all his experiences in the past to the reality of me on the bike. I wasn't going to hurt him, I wasn't going to use the bike to taunt him. I simply wanted him to see that someone on a bike wasn't a horrible thing. He couldn't get past the idea that my experience in the past must repeat itself today. I think all of us have those kind of things in our lives. Experiences that scare us and color our reality so we don't see what is truly happening. And, we can't open ourselves up to the possibility that things can change!

It is a challenge to take a step back, not let our past color our present and open ourselves for possibilities in the present. Much easier said than done though.

In this experience, we saw two things:
1. Grant loves Marybeth more than me!
2. Just because our past experience tell us something, it doesn't mean it is true nor does it always fit the current situation.

Thanks G, you, like the rest of us, have much to learn! Marybeth and I will keep working with you....if you can conquer this, so can the rest of us.

Thanks for the inspiration!

Grant's Lessons: Part 4

Grant is much smarter than any of us give him credit...and we give him credit for a LOT!

Maizy our part beagle, part terrier, part whippet/greyhound, part steeplechase participant has found her true love in life: running. She especially likes running through tall weeds where she bounds with every step with her brother chasing her....sort of.

Grant is much more earthbound. So when we go to the dog park and Maizy bounds through the tall weeds, Grant runs along the path waiting for her to bound out and only then plays with her. He doesn't go into the overgrown area. Grant expends much less energy and time waiting for her to come out of the weeds but finds her every time.

Grant doesn't spend the time to run through the weeds (thank goodness, his allergies would drive him even more nuts if he did!) but waits for the opportune moment to surprise Maizy on the path. They both love it!

We can learn much from G. He doesn't spend any energy searching through tall weeds but waits until he can see what is going on. How many times do we go searching in crazy places rather than giving things the time to come to us? (Needle in the haystack sound familiar to anyone?) We search long and hard for things that would come to us anyway if we just gave it the time.

Here's to G for waiting for the good thing(s) to come his way. We have much to learn....thanks G!

Brett Favre and the Future of Sports

I think by now everyone knows that Brett Favre signed with the Vikings after saying he was going to retire...again. He just signed a two year deal worth a reported 25 million.

25 million....

He has effectively hamstrung his team's salary cap for the next two years. Do you really want to make it so you can't sign any other players to help you? Do you really want to win Brett?

I remember the NBA's Wayman Tisdale and Danny Manning taking lesser contracts to go to Phoenix to win a championship. When will athletes wise up and realize that winning a championship is much more important than the difference between 20 and 25 million dollars?

I hope professional athletes will realize that saying you were a champion is much more important than saying that you got the largest contract ever. Money can go away but championships are forever....

The future of sports is sacrifice to win championships. Respect is not in the size of the contract but in winning.

Maizy's Lessons Part 4: Shoes!

Maizy has a new favorite word: Shoes. She doesn't wear shoes so this isn't an Imelda Marcos thing by any stretch of the imagination.

Whenever I go to put my running shoes on, Maizy thinks one thing: I am going out! There are very few things Maizy likes more than going out so when she sees me start to put on my running shoes she gets very excited!

Now when I am putting on my shoes, I say the word "shoes" to her in an excited voice and she begins pawing my feet to encourage me to hurry up.

I started thinking about how a simple word can carry so much meaning based on how we express that word. Maizy now associates the word "shoes" with an excited voice which equals we get to go out. I think we can do this very thing with humans also.

It is not words that make the difference but how we express those words.

Certain words trigger reactions based on what we have experienced. In Maizy's case this is a good thing but in other cases it is not so good. As humans we have to be careful how we communicate because the most innocuous word can spark so many emotions. We need to think about how our words can be used to get people excited and motivated or upset and demotivated just by how we say them not what the word is.

Thanks Maizy, today I will not use that same voice I use with you but I will try to use one that will hopefully excite and inspire other humans to be better just like you inspire me. I promise when I get home you will hear the word shoes and we will go out!

I have much to learn......

Guest Lesson from a Dog: Dug in Up

Last Saturday Marybeth and I went to see the movie Up. It had gotten great reviews and because it featured a dog we both were interested in seeing it. It did not disappoint, the whole theater clapped at the end of the movie!

I enjoyed its accurate portrayal of dogs especially my favorite character, Dug. I won't ruin the movie for those of you who haven't seen it but Dug finally finds a family in the end and becomes a hero.

One of the best parts of the movie is that Dug's "owner" created a collar that would translate his thoughts into a voice. I would pay thousands of dollars for something like this for my dogs Grant and Maizy. It would be much better than watching television!

One of the first things that comes out of Dug's mouth is "Hi there! I dont' know you very well but I love you!"

Can you imagine anyone saying that the first time they meet someone? A funny look and a quick movement away might be normal reaction if we said something like this early on in the coversation.

But what a better world it would be....I am not saying I am going to try it but it would be very interesting to tell people I don't know you very well yet but I love you!

Tell everyone you know that you love them if for no other reason to see their reaction. Dug is one of my new heroes. His love gives me an example to follow.....thanks Dug I have much to learn.

Beak, Beav, and Slick

In the fall of 1987, I left my home state of Maryland for college in Missouri. A big step for someone who was still 17 and didn't turn 18 until November.

Arriving at school not knowing a soul, I didn't know how I would fit in. My roommate was from Michigan and I had never talked to him. The next two people I met after I dawned the door of my room have changed my life dramatically.

Beav was 16 from Connecticut. He lived in the room next to mine and his parents had just dropped him off in his room and drove back home. The first thing that he did when he came in my room was look at my tape collection and we immediately hit it off. We became best friends pretty quickly after that point. Because of his age, he was originally called Beaver which got shortened to Beav. We ate over 750 meals together in college and have a cadre of private jokes that could fill a vault.

Beak was 17 from New Jersey and my suitemate. His laugh and other physical attributes eventually led us to call him Beaker from the muppet show which was then shortened to Beak. We were probably the only two on our floor who studied regularly so we bonded over academics, sports, and not-so-great food in the cafeteria that Beak lauded for its quantity not quality!

Then there was me, 17 from Maryland, who got nicknamed Slick early our freshman year. I was scared and excited out of my mind for that first week. What I didn't know is that I found two of the best friends in my life in one day.

They told us at New Student Orientation that the people we were hanging around with that day would likely not be there when we graduated. Not so for me. I have been in both of their weddings. I feel very fortunate that in the last two days I have talked to both of them.

The older I get, the more thankful I am for friends who have known me through the ups and downs of life, who have the long view of my life.

My guess is most of us have a Beak, Beav and Slick in our lives. We would not be the same nor would our lives be as rich without them.

So to Beak and Beav, I owe you a debt I can never repay. But I get the feeling payment isn't necessary. The inside jokes and the moments of laughter are enough.....

Grant's Lessons: Part 3

As I wrote about in one of the earlier lessons, Grant didn't like males very much when I first met him. He still doesn't (at times he will bark and get upset about a male walking by for no discernble reason) but he has learned that some males are actually kind of cool to hang out with. When my dad comes to visit, he and Grant are best friends.

With the combination of time, treats, lots of play, belly rubs, and even more time, Grant and I have gotten to a really good place. I never felt closer to Grant than I did last summer when I found out he was a beach dog! He has learned that he can trust me and that I will take care of him.

Now I can turn him upside down, cuddle with him, and even play rough with him and he doesn't mind (I don't think I am supposed to say that he actually likes it!). He knows me. He trusts me. His trust me in me overrides anything else in he might have experienced in his life.

That is the power of trust, when your belief in someone overrides experiences that we have had. We humans have a tough time with that one. Even if someone proves themselves over and over again, we have that nagging thought in our mind...what if I can't trust him/her? But is an incredible moment when someone/something gets to that point where Grant and I have gotten to. I could look at him and say "Grant, let's move to North Carolina/Timbuktu/The South Pole and his response would be: "Are there treats there? If so, let's go!" He trusts that I look out for what is best for him.

That is the truest power in the world because it makes me even more determined to do what is best for him. It is my privilege to do that for him, Maizy and, most importantly, Marybeth.

I hope that I can learn from Grant and believe in the power of trust. I have much to learn from my beach dog. Thanks G, you are the man!

Maizy's Lessons Part 3

After getting married and Marybeth moving in to the place I owned, the question of bathrooms and closets became a big issue. My wife claimed the closet in the second bedroom and the second bathroom because my stuff was already in the master bedroom and bath.

There are many times when each of us is in a separate area to get ready. Maizy thinks this is very interesting. She will stand in the hallway between the two areas watching.

I, at times, wonder if she is thinking "If Mom or Dad needs me, I have to be ready! I will just stand here in the middle and watch!" And she does watch moving her head back and forth to see what Marybeth and/or I are doing. Most of the time we don't need her for anything but we are happy to pet her whenever she would like!

Maizy has chosen the exact best place she can to make use of an opportunity when it comes. Yet she doesn't rush to one side or the other unless the opportunity comes her way.

How many of us put ourselves in less desirable positions to take advantage of an opportunity that might come our way? What can we do to put oursevles in the 'sweet spot" like Maizy does every day? How many times have we been out of place and miss that possible opportunity because of what we do?

At times in my life, I haven't had this balance. What Maizy can teach us is to be in that sweet spot whenever you can and open your eyes! She doesn't lock into one thing until the opportunity presents itself and then she goes for it.

I hope that I will be like Maizy in the exact right spot watching for the next great thing.

Maizy, thanks for focusing me on things...I have much to learn.....

Grant's Lessons: Part 2

I was reading an article the other day about how pets are playing a bigger role in dating. Many are considering more strongly how their pets react to someone they are dating.

One of my favorite memories with my wife was the first time that she brought her dogs over. It was very early on in our relationship and she told me that Grant doesn't like a lot of men. He was abused severly by a male previously so it was understandable. She also warned me don't be upset if he doesn't like you at first! While I appreciated her kind words, I was apprehensive about meeting him even though I really love dogs. I wasn't sure how much Marybeth would like someone that Grant didn't like even though I didn't tell her that at the time!

When Marybeth showed up at the door, she had Grant and Sparky under her arms. Sparky was blind so he could smell me at that point but Grant being still young could see me also. At that moment I looked at him and said "Hi!" I was wondering how he would react.

I tentatively put my hand out to pet him and he didn't lunge toward me which was a good thing. After a few seconds, I put my face down towards his. (Which I now know probably wasn't the best idea with a rescue dog!) Grant sniffed me for a second and then did the coolest thing in the world: he licked my nose. I think that was the moment I was accepted into Grant's family. The only thing I can imagine Grant saying when I proposed to Marybeth was: "I get two humans? Two? Why didn't we do this before?"

Life can be rough and deal us a tough hand like it did to Grant. Once we are given this tough hand, we get shy and, at times, unable to accept new people and things into our lives. Grant had every reason to feel that way about me.

But he didn't...he found someone he liked and licked his face.

I am not suggesting that we go around licking people's faces but I do think that those new people/things/situations that come into our lives we should at least give them a chance to see if we could lick its face.

I think we would be amazed at how wonderful of a family we would have. I will be eternally grateful that Grant accepted me the way he did. Thanks buddy for showing all of us what the licking of a nose can lead to. I hope to lick someone's/something's nose this week.....

I have much to learn......

Maizy's Lessons Part 2

I think Maizy is a great dog (I'm quite biased about both of my dogs!) and her newest trick is closing doors.

Yes, you read that right she can close doors. She uses her nose on the flat side of the door and pushes it closed. It is very funny to watch but there is only one problem:

She hasn't figured out yet how to open the door she closes!

She will close the door and then cry because she can't get out of the room she locked herself in. Usually her buddy Grant will go over to Marybeth or me and alert us that she is stuck behind the door so we can let her out. Then and only then all is right with the world. Until she decides to close the door again!

I think we are a bit like Maizy....it is easy for us to close doors. It is easy for us to say, I don't want to do that and close that door but it is much harder for us to open doors (especially new ones!). Whether opening the door is moving to a different place, starting a new relationship, apologizing to someone for something we did or embarking on that next adventure, it is much easier for us to sit there with the door closed. And, at times, when about it!

Maizy has one pivotal thing: a friend. Grant will always come find Maizy when she needs him. It is important for us to have friends that will encourage us to open the doors around us when we don't know how to, who will find the right people to come get us and always be happy to see us. Grant does all those things for her and her life is better.

Thanks Maizy and Grant....we have much to learn!

The Worst Franchise in Major League Baseball

Ah yes, the Washington Nationals are the WORST franchise in baseball....

Little Leaguers Pay MLBers Fine

Center fielder Elijah Dukes was fined $500 after arriving late to Nationals Park on Saturday because he was attending a Little League function. The league will pay the fine. ... "The next day we're reading the paper, and we're hearing he was [fined and] benched," said Leslie McClain, mother of 11-year-old Luke. "We were just really horrified by that, so our first thought was we want to raise the money in the community to pay that fine. We just think it's appalling." And so began the story of what is surely the most unusual fundraiser in the history of the Great Falls Little League. It started with a flurry of e-mails between incredulous parents and league organizers, and will end later this week when Mraz delivers exactly $501--the extra $1 covering any "administrative expenses," he said -- to the Nationals for the purpose of paying off Dukes's fine. Every dollar they get above that mark will be donated to a Southeast D.C. Little League in Dukes's name. ... Dukes was paid $500 for the appearance, according to Mraz, and his primary duties were to sign autographs, pose for photos and stand at home plate slapping five with the 500 or so Little Leaguers who paraded past. "He did all 500 of those with a smile," Mraz said. "He didn't cheat anybody."-- Washington Post

Grant's Lessons: Part 1

Grant is definitely Marybeth's dog. When she first met him, he jumped directly into her lap. What a way to win Mom over! Grant is a combination Shih-Tzu/Cockapoo so he is larger than the normal Shih-Tzu. Shih-Tzus were bred to be royal dogs in East Asia. That aloof air completely fits Grant. You combine that air with being severely abused early in his puppyhood, you get a pretty lethal combination. But under that air and that experience, there is another side to him.

Grant totally and completely wants to be loved, cuddled and told he is good. He will never admit that to you but you can see it on his face when you praise him or rub his belly. Grant will even come up and cuddle next to you...as long as he thinks you aren't looking!

I think we humans put on air about ourselves saying that I don't need to be cared for, I am independent and only need ME! We are, in many senses, just like Grant. Hidden inside of us is a desire to be loved, cared for, and yes praised for the things we do well.

It is our job to find that part of people, no matter how hidden, and give them a taste of what they are truly longing for. I think it is in everyone!

I am going to do this with the people I encounter today and I will go home tonight and rub Grant's belly for a few extra minutes to bring out that side of him. Thanks Grant for helping me see people for who they truly are...

Maizy's Lessons Part 1

Maizy, who is latest addition to the family, is a combination Schnauzer/Beagle...we think! She loves to talk with her paws and sit in Dad's lap. Being a beagle, her nose rules her world! When we are outside for a walk she is constantly smelling the ground or anything else that her nose finds. At times I have to pull on her to make sure she is following her brother and I.

One would think that being taken off of her scent would cause her to be unhappy at her "master". But Maizy doesn't miss a beat. Her next movement is to go smell something else. She doesn't pay any mind to the fact that the scent behind her is now gone, she just moves on. She will find something else interesting at the next drop of her nose!

We humans have a tendency to get lost in things we have smelled before and when they no longer exists, we miss them and want them back. What Maizy can teach us is that even if something is taken away from us by our "master" (be that fate, God or anything else), it means there is something else for us to focus on. Most of the time, the new is better than the old anyway. Even if it is not, it is just time to move on.

So let's put our noses down and find the next thing.....thanks Maizy!

The Year of Learning From My Dogs

I received a great email today from a friend saying this is what you would learn if your dog was your teacher. Below is what I would be learning from Grant and Maizy...

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

So for the rest of 2009, I will have blogs up about what my dogs are teaching me this week. I have much to learn and thankfully I have great teachers! As Dr. Drew Pinsky said recently, if you want to protect your kids from the influence of Hollywood, tell them to act like their dog!

I look forward to what my 2 teachers have for me......Maizy is pawing at me while I type, must be time for my first lesson. I don't want to be late!

Wonderful Convergence

I love this....Fed Ex helps those out of work, builds their business and gets tremendous PR. Kudos to the guys at Fed Ex...

http://blogs.moneycentral.msn.com/smartspending/archive/2009/03/06/spruce-up-your-r-233-sum-233-for-fedex-s-free-copies-day.aspx

Now is the time for the other companies to be as creative. It can be done....

Who Said This....

"Genuine bipartisanship assumes an honest process of give-and-take, and that the quality of the compromise is measured by how well it serves some agreed-upon goal, whether better schools or lower deficits. This in turn assumes that the majority will be constrained -- by an exacting press corps and ultimately an informed electorate -- to negotiate in good faith.
"If these conditions do not hold -- if nobody outside Washington is really paying attention to the substance of the bill, if the true costs . . . are buried in phony accounting and understated by a trillion dollars or so -- the majority party can begin every negotiation by asking for 100% of what it wants, go on to concede 10%, and then accuse any member of the minority party who fails to support this 'compromise' of being 'obstructionist.'
"For the minority party in such circumstances, 'bipartisanship' comes to mean getting chronically steamrolled, although individual senators may enjoy certain political rewards by consistently going along with the majority and hence gaining a reputation for being 'moderate' or 'centrist.'"

Yes, that is our president in his book "The Audacity of Hope"

This presidency gets even more interesting as the days go on!

1 Down 4 to go....

Today is a great day....I worked with the Executive Director of Santa's Gift to determine a strategy for a large gift. Today that gift came in at the amount I was hoping for in my list. The children who will benefit from this generosity will never be able to say thank you but its ripples will go out....
Now to the other 4 for me!

New Years Resolutions

Yep, I am late but here we go....

1. Sit on the top floor of the train every day: everyone needs a change in perspective once in awhile.
2. Save at least $1050 a month: A lofty figure so we shall see!
3. Raise 20k for Santa's Gift: I am on the board of a non-profit called Santa's Gift (www.santasgift.com) and I would like to raise 20k for them. Major gifts work has always been fascinating to me.
4. Write a novel: I read two years ago about national write a novel month in November (www.nanowrimo.org) I think it would be fun to try.
5. Find 1 dollar in change every week: One of my funny little quirks is I enjoy finding change on the ground. I think my record in one day was almost 2 dollars. 1 dollar per week would be a great way to have 50 dollars by the end of the year!

5 should be enough. If I get all of these done by the end of the year, it will be a great year!

Top 5 Songs of the 1990's

Top 5 songs of the 1990’s

Before I begin this post, I wanted to say that I don’t consider “Top” to be the most influential songs, well-received, or most liked by teenagers. My criteria is this: what are the songs that I can remember as saying something. That timelessness of the song was my overarching criteria. If a song can still communicated 10, 20 or even 50 years later, then it is something of value.

After watching the mindless program called VH1’s top 100 songs of the 1990’s, I was dismayed by their list. As you can see below, it is very pop heavy. Granted, I didn’t think the 1990’s was a great decade for music, but this top 5 didn’t really express what I thought was good music of the 1990’s. So here was what VH1 presented as the top 5 songs:

1. Nirvana - "Smells Like Teen Spirit" (1991, #6 US)
2. U2 - "One" (1991, #10 US)
3. Backstreet Boys - "I Want It That Way" (1999, #6 US)
4. Whitney Houston - "I Will Always Love You" (1992, #1 US)
5. Madonna - "Vogue" (1990, #1 US)

The Backstreet Boys? I don’t think so….

Here is my list of the top 5 songs of the 1990’s…

5. The Unforgiven Metallica Metallica hit a great patch during the 1990’s. The Unforgiven was a seminal song about the birth, life and death cycle. It's haunting beginning was enough in itself...
New blood joins this earth
And quickly he's subdued
Through constant pained disgrace
The young boy learns their rules
Learning the rules is a necessary evil at best...

4. Name by the Goo Goo Dolls This song by the Goo Goo Dolls was originally a b-side that a disc jockey in LA played on a lark and when people heard it, they were shocked that a pseudo-metal band would be singing something like this. For some reason it resonated with the people listening and caught on throughout the U.S. The song was written about growing up an orphan and being raised by his sisters.

3. Ships That Don’t Come In by Joe Diffie Many would be surprised a country song would near the top of this list. Joe Diffie’s ode to things that may or may not have happened sent one message very clearly: be thankful for what you do have because someone else would be ecstatic to have it and don’t wait forever to appreciate it.

2. November Rain by Guns N Roses An ode to loss that showed a side of GNR that most people didn’t see. At almost 9 minutes and a sweeping orchestral score behind GNR, the solo by Slash is still rated highly in the history of rock music. Keeping an open heart is difficult...
I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

1. Jeremy by Pearl Jam A haunting melody along with lyrics that showed the true face of bullying way before popular culture picked up on the problem. The video for this song would probably be my top video of the 1990’s also. Jeremy" was inspired by a newspaper article Eddie Vedder read about a high school student who killed himself in front of his classmates.The image of a young boy wrapped in the American flag as he burns everything down was the image that, in my opinion, summed up the prevailing thought of music in the 1990’s: burn everything down because it has gotten too corrupt. And, indeed it has.

Some people might be surprised Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit is not in the top 5. First of all, I didn’t think of it as a really good song. It was influential but not in my top 5 because it is my opinion, a second rate song from a second rate band.